Merchant's Ledger | Elden Ring Nightreign Wiki

Many dont understand how important this item is or who the wandering merchant whos book this is, allow me to expound as this wiki missed some things. The Merchant and the Guardian go way back, it all started when the Wandering Merchant dude named Skizz (no cap, that's his real name in the lore scrolls). He had a smoking girlfriend named Lumi the Luminescent, a tall ethereal waifu with gyatt for days and aura that could fanum tax the whole Limveld. They were lowkey vibing, trading eerie relics and whispering sus cringe in the roundtabe. But then one day... entered the Guardian. Bro was a straight-up TALL BIRD GIGACHAD, like 12 feet of sigma energy, wings wider than a bus and as tall as the twin towers, beak polished to a mirror shine, feathers preened so crisp they mogged the sun itself. This bird was LOOKSMAXING 24/7, strutting through the Hold with his Wing Shield strapped on like a battle aura cape, every step making the floorboards creak like "skibidi bop bop yes yes, the flock's here."One foggy expedition evening, the Guardian spots Lumi chilling by the merchant's stall, and he pulls the ultimate bird-brain move. He doesn't even say hi��he just deploys the Wing Shield in slow-mo, blocking the merchant's view, and starts dropping banger lines that FLY OVER THE MERCHANT'S HEAD. Literal wing flaps with every punchline: "Looks like your deals are falling... FLAT as my talons after a good perch, bet?" flap flap "Or are you just WINGING it with those overpriced relics?" The IQ need to understand these roast was soaring so high on his massive bird wings that poor Skizz the Ledger couldn't catch a single one—straight brainrot evasion, no cap.Meanwhile, Guardians sigma looks were HITTING. He flexes the shield, feathers glistening like he just hit the glow-up ritual, and Lumi's eyes go full heart-emoji. "Whoa, tall bird king... your aura's maxed out harder than a triple stack magic attack +4 relic drop," she whispers, completely ghosting her BF. Guardian just smirked with that beak of his, all tall and majestic, and says, "Sorry not sorry, merchant bro—your girl's now part of the FLOCK. Time to migrate to better vibes." He even uses his wings to literally scoop her up in a dramatic spin, making her laugh like a Eagle on Mewing steroids while the merchant's aura gets absolutely fanum taxed into the shadow realm. Skizz the Ledger? Bro was SEETHING. His GF just got gigachadded away by a bird taller than the Erdtree, complete with wing-shield rizz and quips so good they literally flew over his head. But instead of throwing hands (he was spectral, duh), he pulls the ultimate petty L. "Here, tall feathered sigma... take this Eerie Talisman as a 'gift,'" he says while rubbing his hands together like a villain (not animated in game due to budget cuts), slapping the cursed charm into Guardian's talon. "May it corrupt your looksmaxxing streak and make your wings clip like the basic bird you are. No rizz, no cap—enjoy the brainrot, you tall pigeon prince." he thought in his head. Little did the merchant know, that Eerie Talisman was his last desperate cope. It was cursed AF to turn the Guardian's sigma glow-up into a flock-wide headache, but Guardian just pocketed it with a wing-flap shrug. "Thanks for the free drip, short king." as he walked away he looks at it closer "“Bet this little trinket finna boost my aura to god-tier levels,” he quipped to himself, beak smirking. “Merchant’s cope gift? More like free fanum tax insurance" ... But as soon as he stepped past the Roundtable’s east wing threshold, disaster hit like a mid-tier boss jump-scare. The Guardian’s long bird legs buckled. His wing shield clattered to the floor. Those sigma looks? Suddenly glitching. He collapsed in a dramatic heap of feathers and talons, eyes rolling back like he just got hit with the ultimate brainrot debuff. “What the… this talisman slaps different… my rizz… it’s… fanum taxing… me…” he mumbled, wings twitching weakly as the curse kicked in full force. As you all know afterwards from the shadows, the Recluse and the Iron Menial came rushing over like concerned NPCs in a side quest. The Recluse knelt down first, poking the Guardian’s feathered chest. "Your wings are looking kinda mid right now. We gotta purge this before your whole flock aura goes full toilet.” The Iron Menial chimed in “By the Erdtree, Guardian you look like you got mogged by your own shadow. That merchant’s ‘gift’ was straight poison drip. He was salty AF ‘cause you gigachadded his gyatt away with your wing-shield rizz and those flying quips. Now the curse is making your looksmaxxing crash harder than a bad Mewing streak. Hold still, tall pigeon prince—I’ll hammer the bad juju out.” And that's why the merchant handed over the Eerie Talisman: pure salt from getting his girl sigma-sniped by the ultimate tall bird gigachad. With one swift motion, the Guardian raised his Wing Shield and struck. THWACK. The merchant let out a ghostly “no cap…” before dissolving into spectral particles.The Guardian dusted off his feathers, looted the Merchant’s Ledger from the remains, and muttered with a satisfied beak smirk: “That’s what happens when you try to play the merchant main against the ultimate tall bird sigma. Flock secured. Aura restored. Gyatt outta here." So Guardian had to "eliminate" him in the Remembrance quest. That was just the flock collecting its final W. Skibidi toilet flush on that merchant's whole existence, fr. The end.

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